this post has been percolating for quite some time as my mind is like a vast sea of confusion…
about what, you say?
life. and the next step.
most of my friends have long since settled down into one place. but me, i spent my 20s and part of my 30s moving back and forth across the country and traveling.
with a good portion of my worldly possessions being in storage for the good part of a decade, i’ve been feeling this tug to reclaim them, unpack them, touch them… mostly it’s because i want a place to put them.
the only way i can describe how i’ve been feeling is this:
i feel like i’m standing above some ground fissure, like when there’s an earthquake and the surface starts to split, and i’ve got one foot on each side of the crack. and the fissure keeps getting wider and wider, making my legs separate further and further. that unease, panic of needing to make a choice to pick one side or the other before it’s too late and i fall into some dark unknown of complacency i don’t want to be in. kinda like my very own continental divide.
here, like this:
what’s the big deal/decision, you ask?
where to move/live next.
i feel more pressure this time because i’m so tired of feeling unsettled and like i don’t have a home. i mean, i have and have had places to live, but it’s been a long time since anything has felt like home. the next time i move, i want to make it last, at least for an extended period of time.
the beauty, and sometimes hindrance, of my job is that i can work anywhere as long as there is internet and a relatively major airport nearby. i love that aspect but man it’s making me feel a bit stuck. more like overwhelmed with the options. because there are so many.
i’m a super independent person but moving with someone or to a place where you know people always makes the transition a bit easier, but this time, that might not be in the cards…
so here are the places that have splashed through my mind at some point over the last few years:
1. new york – this one’s pretty obvious. i have friends and family here and it would be incredibly convenient for my work and work events. expensive though.
2. jersey – i have friends and family here too. close to nyc, with a bit of a break on the finances.
3. los angeles (again) – i’ve lived there and have friends there.
4. portland (again) – i have friends there and i’ve lived there before. loved it, much more so towards the end when i was meeting more people. it rains a lot though. but it’s cheap.
5. seattle – i’ve been there and liked it a lot and for some reason, years ago, i thought about it being a fun option. i know a couple of people there.
6. somewhere in the midwest? – haven’t spent much time there so i don’t know.
7. asheville, nc – lots of friends there. family close by (is that a pro or con?!). it’s beautiful and cheap.
8. and lastly, somewhere in europe – i’ve had this on my life list and in my dreams since i was a kid and in recent years i’ve thought about berlin, especially after visiting there last year.
see why i’m confused? too many options, all pretty good ones also. i’m sick of moving so i want to pick somewhere and make it happen for longer than a couple of years. commitment freaks me out more than you know but maybe it’s time to get over that?
any thoughts/advice/helpful hints/persuasions/love/gentle nudges you all would like to provide? all advice welcome, unless it’s the asshole-y kind.