the worst goodbye of all…

or the post i never wanted to write.

the last 2 weeks have brought the death of my grandfather and my great aunt.

and now my sweet dog

elliot.  *

january 20, 1997 – september 16, 2011

i’m still in shock.

i still can’t believe it.

and i want so badly for it not to be true.

most of all….i’m heartbroken.

my family got elliot in 1997 when i was 21 years old.  i’m 36 now.  he’s been such a huge part of our lives but mostly mine.

i loved him more than anything and probably too much, but i couldn’t help it.  he was the sweetest dog you’d ever meet.  loving, calm, gentle, and sensitive and wanted nothing more than to be right by your side.  he was miserable when left alone but so excited when anyone returned.  for a long time he would give out a bark, a ruh-roh, if you didn’t pet him fast enough when you got home.  i always loved that.  he was always eager to follow me wherever i went, especially to my bedroom, so he could jump in the bed and make himself at home.  it was his favorite place and nothing made him happier.  i often adapted my schedule to prevent him having to be left alone because it broke my heart.  he would always look at you with his sweet eyes and make you want to stay.

i’m so ready for this month of tears and heartache to be over.

i know the heartache will never leave but hopefully it won’t be quite so bad.  i wonder how much heartbreak one can take…

i will always love you elliot.  you were the best companion anyone could ever ask for.  i can’t imagine the world without you in it and frankly, i don’t want to.

* disclosure:  we almost never called him elliot.  we called him bew or bewbew.  no idea why i started calling him that but somehow it stuck.

rest in peace bew…

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