hey you… yes, you. i’m still here. hi.
my time, however, seems to vanish at a rapid rate of speed. where does all the time go? no clue…
but another year has come and gone and i recently celebrated (i.e. cried) my latest birthday (i.e. old age). i think i’m still in denial about it. denial that i’m not where i thought i’d be at this point and denial that so much time has passed.
i wish i could snap and make it all happen.
they’re still there, but they sometimes get buried in reality.
almost exactly a year ago i shared my struggle with figuring out where to go next. it’s a question i’ve asked myself everyday of my adult life, i think. i’ve always felt this need to move, to try something different and explore new areas. my nomadic heart tends to feel stifled when i stay somewhere too long.
then there’s the other part of me.
the part that thinks maybe it’s time to grow up. time to plant some roots somewhere. time to unpack all of those boxes in storage instead of continuing to pack away memories of the years gone by in hopes that they’ll always be there.
i was getting to the point where my indecision was making me shut down and not want to make any decisions at all.
i got sick of it.
then one day, a space came on my radar and i felt it was kinda meant to be.
at least for now…
the place happens to be in downtown raleigh.
a city i said i’d never live in again. the city i grew up in and the city i let my mind hate.
i’ve watched it grow and become a much better place than it was when i was younger, but it’s still the place that i came from. and part of me felt like if i went back there that i was a failure.
hopefully one day i’ll be able to let go of that feeling.
but… maybe this space i found is where i need to be, even if it is in raleigh, the city that haunts me.
so, i’m going to give it a go for awhile. plant some roots and see if they take hold.
the good news is that i’ll still be able to travel which will keep the free-spirited side of me happy.